暂时停留

我想至少要珍惜这三个月在Chicago一个人度过的这个夏天，就好歹记录一下吧，从这么个第一周写起。

上上周六（5/29/2010）晚坐megabus到达熟悉的union
station，大包小包地打taxi到公司分给的三个月临时住处，先是惊讶住所的位置—最繁华的街区以及最著名的shopping中心，感叹运气好，地
点不错。紧接着发现住所在Palomar
Hotel楼上23层，楼下有帅哥门卫天天伺候着开门，安全设施甚好，再次感谢公司。等用钥匙打开房门，我开始不感相信怎么会有这么好的运气，窗外正对
Chicago著名的玉米楼(Marina City
Tower)和最著名的美籍设计师F.卡恩设计的某某大厦。虽然是夜晚，但是身处摩天大厦林立的中心区域，整个客厅被照得很亮。我坐下来的第一件事情就是
检查HR发给我的email，确定他们没有搞错我的房租。确认过后开始抑制不住地大笑，赶快拍了照片，赤裸裸地拿去鲜贝了。

上周末去了著名的Navy Pier海军码头，顺着伊利诺伊大街走过去20分钟，看了看夜景中的Michigan lake，感受到夏天热情的芝加哥，每个周末都是音乐节，每个夜晚皆是party之夜，人们不醉不归。

从第一天的惊叹到现在，一晃整整7天过去，我还完全没有从住所的新鲜感中平静下来。虽然lulu走了以后少了很多人气，我又刚刚从小城市搬回大城市，对城
市巨大的陌生感和一个人的孤独感顿时袭来，不过一个人在这里的时间过得并不很慢。有时候在硕大的living
room里面晃来晃去，常常在巨大到落地窗边驻足甚久，或者兴趣盎然地抓起相机拍来拍去，原来温馨的住所可以给人带来超乎寻常的心理安慰。

工作很好，暂且一切顺利。唯一不习惯的是公司上班太轻松，大家一般都9:00am上到5:00pm，5点一过，全部失踪。明明已经取消summer
working
time(周一到周四每天加班一小时，周五可以放假半天到一天)，但是第一个周五，只有1/3的人还活在办公室里。周五下午还在忙手边的草图，一抬头以及
6:30pm，惊讶地发现只剩下我和清洁工活动在硕大的工作区域，赶快抓包走人，原来加班是不对的！

失误把iPhone忘在aa，因为之前在aa的一个月基本没使用过手机，没想到公司竟然以research的名义发了台新的CLIQ，我又以
research的名义请同事帮忙升级，结果周五早上刚刚升好，下午充电后就崩溃了，等我发现时公司已经没人可帮忙重搞了。于是我又恢复了无手机的状态。
原来在中国都是24小时不关机（虽然无数次被抱怨不回短信和不接电话，但是还是一直带着啊），现在没了手机，竟发现可以异常的轻松，走到哪都无牵无挂。

今天睡到11点才睁眼，为了不在家宅上整整一天，决定要利用周末开始Chicago一个人的旅行，突然想到本科时代做了两年的校园广播节目就叫星期六的旅
行，真是感叹时间蹉跎。大概看了一眼地图就出发了，基本计划就是暴走一天。因为Chicago真的真的有太多好玩的地方，我又住在这些地方的中心，当然要
好好走上一走。

Chicago最著名的两条大路分别是State St.和Michigan
Ave.，而我住在State，上班在Michigan。所以我就顺着我上班的足迹走到Michigan，然后向南走25分钟，过了Chicago河就是
Millenium Park（百年纪念公园）。跟着音乐节热闹了一翻，拍了拍Cloud
Gate（就是那个著名的大豆子雕塑，据说设计师就是想通过反光映射出Chicago的诗意），坐在Crown
Foutain（就是那个西班牙人设计的LED喷泉，太赞了）边看孩子们玩水，又绕着露天音乐广场走了一圈。然后转回State
St.逛街，逛街啊，不知不觉一天就过去了。。。。。。原来压马路的功力还没有减弱，中间在starbucks休息了一下，继续暴走3个小时，然后冒雨跑
回家。

Chicago最著名的几个景点其实被我已经玩得差不多了，回来仔细研究了一下Chicago的历史，很多有意思的东西等待继续被发掘，比如世界上的第一
家麦当劳，乔丹的餐厅，第一家H2O。。。。。。。。。。。。计划三个月内恶补chicago建筑史等，因为和西班牙的高迪城不同，Chicago的建筑
是古典与现代的完美结合，太多经典在这里发生，期待继续暴走。

其实上周还去了两次China Town,吃了不太对味的烤鸭，买了生活必备的速冻饺子。。。。不啰嗦了。

see

|你不旷课.不贪恋酒精.不在异性间周旋流离.你失眠而嗜睡.你 说话时候音调抑扬,却不敢正视别人.你热爱音乐 文字 美术.你背着大包走路的时候喜欢把手放进上衣口袋.时常因为不整齐的刘海遮住眼睛.你很少抬头仰望,一直低头.你一个人吃饭的时候习惯偷偷四下张望,显得紧张而失措.你眼眸奇特,困不住泪水和欣喜若狂.你突然的微笑会让我有种不真实的错觉,竟让我把你理想化了. 但是,你却一直一直的让人棘手而无法接近.|

|你不知道有人这样真而切地了解你.|

|天啊。我也都把这些忘了。|

|昨天一直在跟xw姐姐聊天，然后就突然回忆起出国前那一年，我猜想这样的一年重来一次，大概到一半我就暴病而亡了。我想起去年6月我在离开阿里的欢送会上哭了，当众大哭的时候都要假装还是个人样，假装得特坚强。都怪他们非说我是第一个离开的，也是暂时离开的，太煽情。现在回忆起来当时的场景，我才明白哭的不是离开阿里，离开微软的饭团，哭的是我都不知道，不敢想自己这么久以来是怎么过来的。我记得你叫这个”成长“。你说丫头，你早晚懂。|

|于是我假装我什么都懂了。|

 

|再来一次？我还得这么走。就像再来一百次，我老公还是要在大后天嫁给猫一样。我大口地呼吸没有北京闹市区味道的空气，很多身体上的疾病症状也渐渐消失，终于在几年的output之后开始感到有input，朋友还在，只是她们都忙着打点新房和小p孩去了。有人很开心很惊讶要叫我姐姐，有人拍着我的头说”孩子“，我压着火气不想揭穿。我好像已经老了一样，已经开始喜欢怀念以前快乐的日子。|

|太阳太大了，我需要一点雨天。|

姐，你现在还好么

"看着心跳的数字从70一下一下的掉到了40，看着呼吸慢慢的消失，呼唤他心跳和呼吸又变高，老妈对他说：你放心他们吧！所有的数字一下字都变成了0。生命就这样逝去了，对老爸是一种解脱吧，最后的这些日子他真的好痛苦，每天忍受着疼痛和呕吐，痛苦到哭喊。 老爸，你放心我们吧！一路走好！我们爱你！"

舅舅的离开已经是两个月前的事情了，家人怕我担心并没有把这个噩耗告诉千里之外的我。当我打开姐姐的空间看到隐藏着的这篇日志，坚持了很久的挂念和心痛还是被一下子打开，照片里外婆还在微笑，舅舅身体健康，在梦里，他们还有说有笑，拍着我的头，疼爱着我。下个冬天，我一定回去。

Stopped is more beautiful.

My team in one class couldn’t have experienced a worse presentation on Monday. My part was ok, but could not help for a holistic unacceptable quality for a graduate class. All the team members don’t want to see the sad news, the final grade, today. You know that this time is no need to regret or pray but have to do better for next steps. It was really a big lesson for me. First, sometimes trust is devil. Since not all the people have the strong sense of responsibilities. They always wait, wait and wait until the last minute and ask for help and relief. But they cannot evaluate themselves correct at the first place to avoid creating problems for others. Second, most people are not early style. One kind of people are used to delay work needlessly. The other kind of people are used to overate themselves or make a low estimate on their work. The results are the same. They cannot do good jobs. And they could seek thousand of reasons to shift their responsibilities. Third, every team needs a leader. And it’s always better to take charge of your team than to settle the mess at the end.

After the nightmare, Brandon taught me a way to make a team get out a tight spot. We should learn something now,but not complain each other. He asked everyone to image that we were stuck in an elevator in a hotel. We diverged for what are the positive activities and attitudes we should have at that moment. Then we found more sense of humor deeply in our minds. Troubles with opportunities are waiting in front of you. Just stop and wait a while to figure out. Yes, slow is beautiful. At that situation, you can tell yourself, stopped is more beautiful. 

Slow is beautiful.

Before coming back to college, I don’t have any time to think about my life. Though I just had one year independent life, I’ve ever got a chance to stop and looked back to celebrate what I’ve learned and upset what I’ve lost. Yesterday, after the big snow firstly disappeared, Lee allowed us to walk out for studio work and enjoyed sunshine. He asked whether I think about what I got here, and more deeply, asked what life means for me. I was shocked when a professor asked such a deep question. And I could not answer immediately. At that moment I was just recalling that my dear grandma and uncle have gone at the end of last year. Several times I have dreams of them and I can image the big change in my family which I have to face. Lee stopped my entrance in thoughts and told me that I am always crazy busy on my life, as a routine, but afraid to slow down to share feelings I had. He smiled and said. As a sensitive designer, you should learn how to be slow because it’s a beautiful world, not all about your work. I think I could use the spring break ahead to get in what he said. 

不解

我们都是带着怎样的一种期望活在这个世上。就像一场一个人的旅行，你抓住谁都要放开或者将你放下，生死的事情，无法违背。没有想过自己需要哪一种墓志铭，而内心的选择却一直执拗地锄在原地。人在高潮的时候应该享受成功，人在低潮的时候该去享受人生。而多数人，就那么不高不低地一直活着。可以顾及的永远不会超出某人范围。就像今天我们还在为Haiti受难的人呼唤援助，而明天都将划做生活里可以被遗忘的一个符号。看到他人地狱般的痛苦，没有觉得痛彻心扉地像失恋一样哭上一场，也没有比眼下手边的一个项目更值得关注。我们还是活在了圈圈里，就好像噩梦中即时你竭力想清醒和抓住什么人，结果还是从一个梦里到了令一个梦里的周而复始。

Say thanks to douban.fm

Here, it’s always quiet silent. I even can hear the snore from the other side of my wall after my roomie leaving for a three-day trip. I have to appreciate douban.fm bringing good music for twenty-four hours. Now I am listening to Zhangxuan’s voice "live, live, we could be fine tomorrow". Tomorrow we are supposed to have a holiday for Martin Luther King Day, but in my schedule there are still two meetings with two groups and four paper reviews’ deadline is waiting for me… my first week of this semester is so crazy. BTW, I’m still suffering from a bad cold!